I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
