Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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