Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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