sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
