I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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