Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
