Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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