Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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