I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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