i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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