so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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