No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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