she woke up with a sticky ear
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize