Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
