and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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