We won't sleep together?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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