I didn't shave. On purpose
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
