how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
