I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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