I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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