I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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