It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
