My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
