Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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