There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
