I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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