I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
