it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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