do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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