I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
