I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I supernannyed him into submission
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
