Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
