Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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