the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
