I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize