So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
