She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
