??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize