does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
