At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
