do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
