Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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