I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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