i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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