some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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