She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
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My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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