I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
