This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
