I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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