this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
