the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
