So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Terrible idea I love it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
