giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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