I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All the doctor said was why
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
