so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
