Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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