the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
