Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
