I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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