he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
