i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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