Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we're so committed to being not committed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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