You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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