I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize