glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
