Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
