ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize