oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
