ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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