i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
