i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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